Wisdom with Words

Do your words edify or tear down?

Remember that day when you were so excited, and a friend crushed your spirit with her words? I do. In fact, just this past week when it happened again. Oh, how it hurts when words are blurted out at the wrong time, in the wrong tone or even with the wrong attitude. Yet when they are out, there really is no going back. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” reminding us that our words can crush as well as uplift someone else.

There is a person in my life that seems to find joy in belittling me as well as things that I say or just answering in a smart-aleck way. Often, I feel that once the words are out, this person realizes it and is remorseful but the hurt that has not healed from past comments continues to scar my heart. I dearly love this person, they are a Christian, but I have made the decision not to have encounters with them if I do not have to protect my heart. Why? Because words can hurt! Every time that I see this person I worry that my clothes are “too bright”, my hair “too big, too much gray or a comment that I don’t color it any longer.” I second guess every detail about my presentation trying not to give opportunity for a less than desirable comment.

The very first time I remember words hurting like this was in 6th grade. My science teacher, Ms. Cooper (yes, I still remember her and this day) informed me as well as the whole class that I was “not smart enough to be a nurse if I couldn’t understand earth science.” I was crushed and for many years believed that I would not be successful because I “wasn’t smart enough.” In once sentence this teacher pronounced death on my hopes, desires, and dreams. Decisions were made by me in 6th grade that affected the rest of my life because I didn’t believe I was smart. Looking back, I honestly think that Ms. Cooper was trying to challenge me into doing better but her words were not “fitly spoken” as in Proverbs 25:11. Those words bound me to believing lies that were never meant to define me. It took years to repair the damage that her unintentional words did to me.

Conversely, I will never forget the sweet words of Helen Granger (who is with Jesus now) as she encouraged me to begin taking part in our women’s ministry at church. Finally having enough courage to speak, I stood at the podium in front of a room full of women and thought I was going to faint! Just as I thought I’d surely hit the floor, Mrs. Granger caught my eye as she smiled sweetly and mouthed these words that she had said to me so many times before, “God will strengthen and help you.” I have no doubt that she took these encouraging words straight from Isaiah 41:10 as she repeated them to me so many times. But you know what, she lifted my spirit, breathed life into me when I felt I was falling and reminded me of God’s amazing love. Praise God there have been so many women since Mrs. Helen that have poured words of encouragement, edifying words, loving words and words of Christ into me!

Sweet sister, take account of your words. Are you speaking life or death into those around you? Are you uplifting or crushing the spirits of those who look up to you or are looking for help and encouragement? Are you blessing others as you build them up or are others beginning to avoid you because of your negative words? Sometimes it’s better just to listen and share a pat on the back or a hug than to open our mouths when we have nothing good to say. Declare life and hope with your words as you go through your day sowing seeds for Christ. One great way to do that is by saturating ourselves with God’s Word so that the words that flow from our lips will reflect Him. If we could hide the words from Ephesians 4:29-32 in our hearts, perhaps our words would consistently be “helpful for building others up according to their needs.”  

There are MANY scriptures that teach us how to use our words and we would do well to memorize a few of these verses. A few of my favorites to remind myself (frequently) are below.

1. “Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but he prudent hold their tongues” (Proverbs 10:19).

2. “The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit” (Proverbs 15:4).

3. “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Proverbs 16:24).

4."Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you make know how you ought to answer each person” (Colossians 4:6).

5. “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19).

6. “But I tell you, on the day of judgement people will give account for every careless word they speak. For by your words you will be justified and by your words you will be condemned" (Matthew 12:36-37).

As we end this blog entry, there are a few take-aways for responding to hurtful words as well as evaluating the words we speak.

1. Forgiveness is always best. When a person is harsh with their words, pray that you would find forgiveness for them and love them. It isn’t an excuse, but they may be struggling, and it just happened that their outlet was on you. If it is a regular occurrence, still pray for the situation/ person but allow some distance in the relationship.

2. Watch not only your words but your presentation, and sarcastic remarks. Are those smart, snide comments really needed? Psalm 25:11 says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” Oh, what beauty and encouragement there is in words spoken in an appropriate and timely way. Perhaps there are those of us who need to use fewer words and keep our thoughts to ourselves. Remember, delivering truth without grace is often harsh and uninvited.

3. Remember Matt. 5:11-12 when others hurt you. “Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.  Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in this same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” Oh, how sweet to know that one day our reward will be even sweeter for turning the other cheek. It’s hard, but it’s doable and worth it!

Verses to Ponder: Isaiah 41:10; Psalm 25:11 Proverbs 10:19,15:4, 16:2418:21, 25:11; Matthew 5:11-12,12:36-37; Ephesians 4:29-32; Colossians 4:6; James 1:19

Prayer: Oh, precious Father of mine, we are all so guilty of letting our tongue get the best of us as well as others. Today I am confessing my struggles in controlling my tongue with my family, friends and coworkers as well as asking You to help me forgive and have grace with those who have and will hurt my heart with their words. I pray that the devil will not have victory with things that flow from my mouth but that I will use this tiny muscle in my body to edify other, building them up and strengthening them as they see You through me. Help me to spread life with the power of my tongue. Lord of my life, I want to thank you for Your Words- our printed Bible. May I treasure these precious words of yours and hide them in my heart that I might not sin against You. My prayer is that Your Holy Spirit will fill me completely as I navigate through this evil world empowering my to change to be more like You, obey and proclaim Your words. Thank you so very much for my salvation and for Your working in my life. Amen.